Sonnettics

I woke upon the mount; I felt the snow
I saw the faces of the newly dead
There only was one way that I could go
The path was down, but I chose up instead
She rose above the injuries she bore
and wrapped her arms around as best she could
I felt like she had held me once before
She kissed me and she told me that I could
proceed uop the path, the upward way
and yet I felt she wished I would go down
I asked if she had something more to say
But all she did was look at me and frown
So down I went and knew she’d come as well
Until she comes I feel I’m still in Hell

I feel the comfort softly that you bring
your voice is like the water in a stream
your softness is the grace of which I sing
Like light expands from nothing to a beam
A beam of light upon on a stream is mine
Now hear me say I thought of you today
reflected on the lilly-pads divine
Your form is beauty, Eyes can bear away
annoint mine eyes with wisions of your form
annoint mine eyes with what I want to see
Yout stature and your shape subdue the storm
of what the other women want to be.
Your comfort fits within the form, displayed
Upon the water, still. your birth is made

My words are weak without her knowing eyes
They feel too flat; they sound like schoolboys’ lies
The poetry I tried to write in death
In life was little more than shallow breath
I cry; so what? An infant cries as well
The only way to Heaven is through Hell
Cliché is like a simile of dust
With metaphoric winds my poems gust
Her eyes are closed, protecting her from me.
My words are nothing she would want to see.
I’ll write again, compose, with words to hear
With whispered words I’ll keep my pages clear
I’ll write in emanation of my voice
Such poems will be far beyond her choice.

Against a life confused by common pain
I listen to your voice and feel your care
I hate the way I am, my injured brain
I love the way you listen; you are there
whenever I am down or when I’m low
I love the way we touch within my mind
I love the way you always seem to know
the memories I want you to remind
Remind me of your softness and the bliss
I’ve felt within the time I think of you
Remind me of your sweetness with a kiss
I’ll wait forever here until you do
Against my active mind I’ll hold you near
because I love to feel your comfort, dear.

She doesn’t long for years; she longs for days
I wish I had a day with her to share
emotions, in the myriad of ways
she gives her love to me; I feel her care
The world will go around a million times
she only cares about the next go-round
The night will turn to day, a sonnet rhymes
Within her daily care my comfort’s found
I like to think my view extends for years
I like to think her view is for a day
My vision can be clouded by my tears
and hers is in her heart; too far away
I wonder if together we would see
the way things are and how they ought to be.

The Heavens and its Angels come and go
Perhaps a Mormon boy like me should know
I drank a cup of coffee in a bar
I thought of Truxton loop; it seemed too far
Before I died, I lived in Heaven, whole
and loved how Heaven’s Angel calmed my soul
then sweet, within the bar, she called my phone
to calm my loneliness; I was alone
The music there was loud; it drowned her voice
I called her back; the Angel of my choice
I missed my Angel; phones connect or not
the barmaid, Gretchen, served my coffee hot
and then became an Angel, gifted me
my coffee and her smile for nothing, free.

I wouldn’t take my meds; I didn’t care
The nurses worried just outside my door
My feeding tube was now no longer there
I watched them stack my meds, a bitter chore
I felt a life on meds was barely hell
I couldn’t see beyond the highest pill
I thought without the meds I’d be as well
and if I wasn’t all they’d do is kill
They brought a phone,”your pharmacist,” they said.
I pressed the phone against my aching head
“You trust me Scott? You love me Scott?” “I do”
“Please take the meds. It’s what I want from you.”
and so I took the meds from Mari’s care,
then cried because she loves me everywhere.

Her sweetness can be tasted in her voice
The tones release each nuance. She is more
than I imagined choosing, but the choice
of Mari is a vintage I would pour
in nothing less than crystal. Then I’d drink
my Mari til I filled my sober soul.
I love the way her presence makes me think
and softens me, my Mari is my goal.
She likes to drink her wine with me, but I
prefer to have my Mari on my tongue.
Like Riesling, she is sweet and isn’t dry.
Like roses, she is beautiful and young.
I think of her like flowers and like wine.
I think of her as Mari and as mine.

I long to sleep, to dream the dreams of you
I long to sleep with you to share my dreams
My sleep of death brought dreams I never knew
I wake within a fantasy, it seems
Your body is too far away to touch
Your lips too far away to feel my kiss
I want to dream, but fear I dream too much
I want to be awake with you like this:
Like once upon a time I called your name
Like once upon a time I felt your skin
I called you, deep in love, and then you came
I felt you when you came; I came within
your life. I’m glad you let me come inside.
My love for you is nothing I can hide.

We trained together; both of us were strong
We loved each other; both of us were true
My body broke when something happened wrong
My Love was sad; my Love was more than blue
She came to me and cared for me through tears
She gave her strength to me, a broken man
She calmed my soul and silenced all my fears
We bonded in a way we didn’t plan
I still can feel her presence in my heart
Her voice is still a treasure that I hear
It brings us close when we are far apart
It tells me that her love is ever near
This bond we share for life, created thus
I love my Mari; she is half of “Us.”