Sonnettics

I have no hope in life; I am complete
The last thing I remember was the climb
The fall has been a twenty-year defeat
As slow as twenty years of marking time
I’m still intact, and isn’t that complete?
At rest if not at peace (aren’t they the same?)
Each night I stare profoundly at my feet
And try to give myself another name
The god of useless power hears my prayer
And turns my words into a heap of shit
Then turns complacency into despair
Completely for the joy of doing it
And all I want to do is go to sleep
To search my dreams for something real to keep

It’s not a crime to hold a gun and squeeze
The trigger with one finger of your hand
To put your flesh to metal as you please
The levers and the springs at your command
It’s not a crime to feel a wave of peace
Because you’re in control of this machine
To take a breath then slowly to release
To feel the hammer dropping smooth and clean
There is no way to stop the causal chain
The strike breeds an explosion–sound and heat
The bullet’s path determined will remain
As fixed and true as love, if not as sweet
And if the gun was pointed at a heart
The crime was done before the bullet’s part

My life will not be meaningful unless
I bite my tongue and taste the words I bleed
Then hold behind my lips the clotted mess
Until the urge to spit becomes a need
Until I gag upon poetic gore
As life begins to trickle down my throat
Until my straining lips will hold no more
My eyes begin to bulge, my face to bloat
Then opening some book that mocks my pain
Upon some hallowed page expectorate
Obscure the words revered I feel are vain
For all the souls they don’t illuminate
And even if by chance I bleed to death
I will have spat some meaning with one breath

The lights are calm, diffused through ancient glass
The field they mark complains beneath the din
The roaring rush of those who only pass
Without the belly of the beast within
The surge, the bounce, the rattle and the lift
And spread below the world of sorrow lies
A prayer to thank the gods who gave this gift
To tear like thunder through the tranquil skies
What comes to mind is neither trust nor hope
But only destination and reprieve
There is no way for casual minds to grope
With laws they only think they might believe
Then for a time reality is gone
And only leaves the air to ride upon

Tonight we talked before he fell asleep
His eager eyes fought long against the close
We talked about our day; our talk was deep
The deepest thoughts a seven year old knows
We reminisced about our little walk
Along the path beside the old canal
The turtles that we saw enriched our talk
“Will we see more next time?” “I think we shall.”
And then he asked if I would sing a song
I said I would and saw he was content
The final verse he asked to sing along
His voice with mine was love’s best complement
We kissed and said “I love you,” man to son
And only then were both days truly done

Upon the shores of time there lies one day
One grain of sand upon an endless beach
I’ve heard it called by name the sixth of May
Two thousand years and five within its reach
Upon that day the waves of life rolled in
To lift that day upon some higher ground
And there a new foundation to begin
Upon which an eternity was found
And I can wander all along this shore
These sands that stretch into eternity
And hear the rolling waves of life that roar
And feel the vastness all surrounding me
But oh, I know exactly where it lies
That day is still reflected in your eyes

Beside the lake I felt the spinning sun
Exploding from a billion miles away
She touched my skin as I commenced my run
A circle in the middle of my day
Insistent warmth progressed to fervent heat
I took my orbit twice and then once more
My will propelled my legs, propelled my feet
While sweat like blood was drawn from every pore
I cursed the sun in silence and aloud
Fatigued, I stopped and drank a bottled drink
I saw the shadow of a passing cloud
And thought the thought that all blasphemers think
That somehow my desire resides above
The source of life and light, the source of love

How long will longing rob me of my sleep
I know it knows the cost of what it steals
Compelled to be the company I keep
We sit and talk of how compulsion feels
And slowly as this fool consumes my mind
With foolish talk disguised as something wise
My tired eyes are burning to be blind
In silent sleep where wisdom truly lies
Where quietly my angel holds my hand
And quietly dismisses longing’s thief
And with a love I don’t quite understand
She brings my soul and body sweet relief
As everything dissolves to peace it seems
I hear my angel’s songs within my dreams

The love of knowledge is a lower road
And yet to travel there is no offense
At times a slipping slope or heavy load
May seem to be its worst impediments
A low road floods at times in heavy rain
At times its bridges simply wash away
And though you see the goal you can’t obtain
You can’t recoup the toll you had to pay
And yet this road may be a high road too
In safety you may reach its highest hill
If traveled with a friend whose heart is true
Two loves transcend what one heart never will
Go hand in hand to oldest age from youth
And all your roads will lead you to the truth

A simple hymn sung with a stronger voice
Is thunder rolling through a gentle rain
It shakes the clouds and dares them to rejoice
A flash of lightning sparks a brief refrain
The melody drifts close enough to sense
A scent of lavender upon a breeze
A whisper of a love that’s so intense
It brings the singer gently to his knees
And there the hymn becomes a prayer of faith
To raise him to his feet and to his wings
And upward to a higher holy place
Wherein his soul with wild rapture sings
A simple hymn, but with a voice so strong
It bears eternity within its song